She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
