Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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