I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
