carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Every concussion has its silver lining
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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