I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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