About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize