Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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