I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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