He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
