my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
