I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
