she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
