2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize