You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
