I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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