i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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