I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize