i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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