he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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