I wish I could teleport
My friends, they love my intelligence
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize