Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
