I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
