My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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