Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
