tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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