Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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