I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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