answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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