Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
