There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
