i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
