drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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