I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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