apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize