If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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