If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
