I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
