When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
