five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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