My first STD was from a foam party
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
