you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
