you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
