Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
