I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize