he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
