im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize