I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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