Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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