I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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