She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
