Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
