There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
