Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
