I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
