"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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