I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We need to rekindle our bromance
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
