We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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