I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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