pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
