are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
