Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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