drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
